I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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