Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
