I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
