come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
