After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize