the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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