trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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