He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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