eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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