Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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