I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well I just put wine in my tea
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
