She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize