ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
