i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
