so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
