the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
