ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
