Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
