do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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