I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
