I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
