He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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