I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
