What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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