mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
