woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I want is dick and wine.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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