I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
