Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
