dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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