i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize