There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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