i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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