Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I touched a dick in church today
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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