I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
