Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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