why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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