my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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