y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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