Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
