Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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