What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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