at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize