i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
