i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
