So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
