Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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