yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A bitchslap is in order.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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