do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
God, I missed his penis.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
