my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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