I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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