I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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