i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
