How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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