he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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