so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
