If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
