GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
